Vessel

Tonight I was chatting with a friend and remarked to her how at peace I am in this moment and these past few months being the happiest that I can remember. She was a little surprised - how could I be? Last year we lost all of our belongings in a flood (including precious baby albums), I was arrested, my husband’s parents died within two months of each other, and my daughter and I lived through the great earthquake of Japan.

She’s right to be surprised. Each of those things, in their moment, were terrifying and sad. Each of those moments are equal in weight to any other moment, and the good moments outweigh the bad. People pitched in and got us new belongings after the flood. My arrest in Arizona serves as an important part of my formation and understanding of justice. My husband’s parents died so close together because they deeply loved each other, and our family got to say good bye to each of them. People in Japan reacted as calmly as they could and reached out for each other. 

It is by keeping things in their moments, and living in this moment, that I am able to keep bad things from connecting to each other to form a deceptive web of a continual bad luck and constantly relive negative emotions. Accepting them for what they are and in that time they happen, and allowing myself to feel sad has been important. All of the things are loss that can be let go as I am ready, and all of them require transformation. That is what makes me happy to enjoy each moment, like when my four year old son falls asleep in my lap.