This is what I am doing for lent. For both online, offline, and personal conversations. I have many situations that will tempt me to challenge this, but I think this is a good idea.
I often think that however people act in private with me is how they act in private among others. That is how I know that if person A is berating person B to me that it is only a matter of time before person A berates me privately to others. I learned to do this destructive behavior at my emergency room job a long time ago, when disparaging my boss to others seemed to pass the overnight hours quickly.
Now I tend to implicitly agree with someone but do not participate in the gossip because I don’t want to challenge them. It could be they just need to vent. But I remember that this how they choose to handle it.
I have gotten better about speaking to others directly, and each time the anxiety is less. The outcomes are much better than complaining to anyone who will listen (other than the person I have a beef with!). I am so surprised how much better my life is now that I do this.
The three gates seems like a good step to practice, especially to focus on kindness. I don’t know how often I kindly say something, and I think the world could use it.